leave out Manners: Congratulations! You’ve been married 50 ...

dear pass over MANNERS: i would say my parents "don't get along," but that makes it sound mutual. For so long as my sisters and i can be aware, our mother has at all times nitpicked our father for things that must us seemed petty, unwarranted, and never all the time within his manage.

She has even put us within the middle through childishly refusing to go to a few of our pursuits if Dad become also going. We think she is not a contented grownup and has taken it out on our father all these years.

Our father is, of route, not excellent, and we understand there are things in a wedding that best the marital partners see. despite the fact, it has always perceived to us that our father tries to make our mother chuffed. He has additionally by no means spoken an unkind be aware about her in our presence, and has all the time insisted that we treat her with admire, no count number what she says or does.

somehow, mother and pa are coming near their fiftieth anniversary and are nevertheless collectively. My sisters and i feel we should still have a distinct (albeit low-key) dinner in a private room at a nice, but not super-fancy, restaurant to recognize the event. We believe it's the least we can do, because 50 years of marriage — even though the wedding has been — is still an accomplishment.

My mother, of course, bristles at any acknowledgment of the occasion. My father realizes they don't have an ideal marriage, but appears to want to admire the anniversary. In different phrases, we are able to't make them both satisfied. what is the proper thing to do in this situation?

mild READER: out of your description, your mom's reaction to the proposed party is unpleasant and unsympathetic — however, given her past conduct, unsurprising.

What, if anything else, may also be carried out? miss Manners fears that you simply cannot drive someone to be a guest of honor. however that you can, privately, remind her that hers don't seem to be the only emotions to be regarded. which you can say that you know how unassuming she is, but that you just and your sisters and the grandchildren would enjoy the occasion, and you are aware of it would suggest an awful lot to your father.

If she nonetheless refuses, you are going to must discover options that do not require her consent, similar to calling with chatty decent needs on the day, and sending flora.

pricey leave out MANNERS: I've been notified of a friend's engagement. Others have cited that a present is in order, some having already despatched one. is that this some thing new?

i assumed that quite simply offering congratulations became satisfactory for an engagement. because it is, I intend to send a gift to the bridal shower and then an extra for the wedding. She'll also be having a child bathe earlier than she walks down the aisle, and i could be shopping for that event, too.

how many gifts do I deserve to be giving here?

mild READER: Technically, none: presents aren't definitely required. however miss Manners raises no objection when you've got already steeled yourself for three gifts.

That the necessity for a fourth gift became expressed no longer by using the chum, but by using unnamed (and flawed) "others," may still make it easy enough to ignore.

Please send your questions to omit Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or via postal mail to leave out Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas metropolis, MO 64106.