expensive ABBY: i am these days divorced after a 19-year marriage, and to my brilliant shock, I already locate myself in love with a further man. I did not come out of the wedding looking for any person, nor did I suppose i'd ever marry again, however this man desires to marry me, and i'm seriously considering it.
We bonded when he contacted me to present support after he heard about my divorce, and it became love at "2d" sight. Why "2nd"? as a result of we grew up collectively — literally round the corner — and he's my first cousin.
regardless of the societal taboo, it is prison in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic concerns with offspring are not a concern. We're each sterile and don't have any capability (or want) for greater little ones. My siblings suspect and are not pleased with the situation. His folks be aware of and are happy for us.
Am I loopy to feel i'm in love again this without delay? It doesn't feel too fast as a result of we've got always widely used each different and been shut; or not it's simply that the kind of love has changed. How can we damage it to the leisure of the household? the area? people will also be so judgmental, although in lots of elements of the realm it is perfectly commonplace to marry your cousin.
— Secret love in the South
pricey SECRET LOVE: You are not "crazy," however you can be in an altered mental state, as many lately divorced individuals have found themselves. They describe it as a form of excessive.
if you're wise — and i hope you're — you'll sluggish this romance down and permit sufficient time on your family unit to turn into aware of the changed situations of your relationship along with your cousin. The "world" is never going to care about this the way your family unit does, so do not problem your self with explaining anything else to the customary public. (How commonly have you requested couples to clarify in the event that they are linked moreover marriage? no longer many, i may wager.) My counsel is to let this new relationship evolve extra slowly. if you do, the outcome may well be extra tremendous than if you hurtle to the altar.
pricey ABBY: I actually have the superior wife and daughter ever, and right here's my quandary. My daughter lives in a different state and would really like us to build a 2nd home nearby to be closer to their household.
My spouse and that i are pretty much 80 and intensely lively. I play tennis or pickleball every day. My wife walks an hour to an hour and a half each morning. we are happiest when we're energetic. the place my daughter lives is not conducive to walking, and my spouse could be very unhappy.
Please do not indicate a fitness center or a treadmill -- been there, done that. Plus, my spouse has no want to take on the delivered burden of a second residence. We simply downsized 5 years in the past. How do I keep both girls in my lifestyles satisfied?
— Figuring it out in Florida
pricey FIGURING: respect that it may not be possible to make both girls happy. Your first loyalty should still be to your wife.
clarify to your daughter that you simply understand she potential smartly, but that at your ages (eighty), your routine is extremely crucial. (or not it's real.) That routine may be what maintains you as fit as you are. lower back it up with the indisputable fact that two homes could be too lots for you and her mom to manipulate, which is why you've got each determined -- as an awful lot as you love her -- to keep things as they're. And stick to it. Your daughter can consult with you, and you can visit her, but stay where you are.
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